Everyone loves a hero. Someone who can be depended on. Someone you can call and talk to. Someone who makes you feel safe or happy. The person who does the right thing for the good of everyone, even if it's much more difficult than doing the wrong thing. Someone you can be vulnerable around. Someone who doesn't need money or popularity to feel good about doing what's right. Someone who can set the bar for the rest of us. The person you want to be like when you grow up.
There is a great sadness in my heart. There is a divide that has been driven in between people I love, and at their own hand. Now we all know that no one is perfect but it's very easy to get our hopes up. Here's the -uh, problem. Because no one is perfect, that means we're all imperfect. And an imperfect hero will let you down. It hurts to feel as though a major cornerstone in your life has been removed from your home. Or rather, I feel a part of my body has been removed.
Now, that doesn't mean that we should all fall into a pit of despair or give up hope. For me, coming out of a bad situation, it means to keep your eyes open. It means that instead of depending on the imperfect, try to depend on the perfect. So my focus will be on God. So today, this is my prayer:
lord i love you,
thank you for your love,
thank you for your son,
bless your kingdom and those in it on earth and in heaven,
mold me everyday to be more like you,
use me and guide me to your purpose,
create in me a light so that all who see me will see you,
give me strength and courage,
give me wisdom and insight,
help me be forgiving and loving to others
call me by name so that i can follow you as a man, a father, and as a husband,
ease the hurt i feel and replace it with healing,
my heart is yours and beats because of you
make your path for me clear
i ask these things in your name
amen
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Flash Forward
Hello Blog,
I knew my time was going to squeezed a little tight once the baby arrived. I didn't know it would cease to exists. Let's see . . .
Darcey and I waited patiently for the two weeks following our December 1st due date. Our doctor gave us as long as he could before coming in to the hospital to be induced for labor. By Sunday the 13th, Darcey and I were packed up and heading down to Ventura with no sign of our daughter planning on making an appearance. We checked in for our 8 PM appointment, got comfortable in our room and tried to get some sleep after the nurse gave my wife the medicine to induce her. I slept on a chair that smelled like it had been outside for a good part of its existence. The next morning, Darcey hadn't moved forward too much. By noon Dr. Cole decided to break her water. The next seven and a half hours went both very quickly and very slowly. It was a feeling of helplessness and excitement, fear and pride. I have a hard time remembering a lot of what happened. It makes me sad to know that one of the greatest moments in my life is mostly a blurry image. I do remember the important things though. I remember Darcey's strength. I remember the nurses giving us more than what is in their job description. I remember seeing a face that looked just like my wife take it's first breath. I remember cutting the cord. The first thing Darcey could say was, "she's so cute" before starting to cry.
Her name is Zao Adora Bechtel. She was 8 pounds, 11 ounces. Zao was born at 7:30 PM on December 14th, 2009.
An important part of welcoming Zao into the world was spending the first hour and a half alone with her. Just Darcey, myself, and Zao. She latched on to feed immediately. Most of our friends who came to the hospital to see her at that point were being kicked out but my dad and his wife, Sandy, Cory and my mom were able to stay long enough to see and hold her.
The next four days were the hardest I've ever had. They were even worse for Darcey. Although Zao was a very healthy baby, she had a reflux that would cause her to throw up or choke very easily. Darcey was awake for the entire four day stretch. The staff was great and we were constantly being visited from our friends and family. However, the hospital heating and cooling system was broken. It would be freezing one minute and an inferno another. Plus, there was something wrong with the air. By the final day it hurt to take deep breaths and we both felt ill with head aches and nausea. Once we left the hospital we immediately started to feel better. The sleeping situation didn't improve much at home for the first 2-3 weeks. It wasn't until our good friend Amy and Todd (who had their first baby only 11 months earlier) came over for diner and gave us some amazing support. All the little things that kept Darcey and me worried and unsure of, they could relate to and had been through it. We were able to get advice that wasn't coming out of a text book. They had just been through all the things we were going through. That night was the first good sleep Darcey or I got since Zao was born.
We only lived in our trailer another 2 weeks. In an amazing answer to our prayers, a rental opened up. Behind our friends home in Ojai is a small cottage they built with everything we need. They offered to rent it to us for way below what they could be getting for it. $800 a month covers everything, power, trash, water, internet, and satellite TV.. Darcey and I were finally able to get the two things we said we would buy for ourselves once we moved out of the trailer, a king size bed and a king size TV. We moved in our changing table and as of right now, we have painted the bathroom and hallway. I've started to mask off the living room to paint before our custom rocking chair arrives and then we can move the crib from Darcey's parent's house. I don't have to drive as far to get to work and we're still close to everyone in Ojai. I can't believe how things fall into place for us. We are blessed beyond my understanding.
I knew my time was going to squeezed a little tight once the baby arrived. I didn't know it would cease to exists. Let's see . . .
Darcey and I waited patiently for the two weeks following our December 1st due date. Our doctor gave us as long as he could before coming in to the hospital to be induced for labor. By Sunday the 13th, Darcey and I were packed up and heading down to Ventura with no sign of our daughter planning on making an appearance. We checked in for our 8 PM appointment, got comfortable in our room and tried to get some sleep after the nurse gave my wife the medicine to induce her. I slept on a chair that smelled like it had been outside for a good part of its existence. The next morning, Darcey hadn't moved forward too much. By noon Dr. Cole decided to break her water. The next seven and a half hours went both very quickly and very slowly. It was a feeling of helplessness and excitement, fear and pride. I have a hard time remembering a lot of what happened. It makes me sad to know that one of the greatest moments in my life is mostly a blurry image. I do remember the important things though. I remember Darcey's strength. I remember the nurses giving us more than what is in their job description. I remember seeing a face that looked just like my wife take it's first breath. I remember cutting the cord. The first thing Darcey could say was, "she's so cute" before starting to cry.
Her name is Zao Adora Bechtel. She was 8 pounds, 11 ounces. Zao was born at 7:30 PM on December 14th, 2009.
An important part of welcoming Zao into the world was spending the first hour and a half alone with her. Just Darcey, myself, and Zao. She latched on to feed immediately. Most of our friends who came to the hospital to see her at that point were being kicked out but my dad and his wife, Sandy, Cory and my mom were able to stay long enough to see and hold her.
The next four days were the hardest I've ever had. They were even worse for Darcey. Although Zao was a very healthy baby, she had a reflux that would cause her to throw up or choke very easily. Darcey was awake for the entire four day stretch. The staff was great and we were constantly being visited from our friends and family. However, the hospital heating and cooling system was broken. It would be freezing one minute and an inferno another. Plus, there was something wrong with the air. By the final day it hurt to take deep breaths and we both felt ill with head aches and nausea. Once we left the hospital we immediately started to feel better. The sleeping situation didn't improve much at home for the first 2-3 weeks. It wasn't until our good friend Amy and Todd (who had their first baby only 11 months earlier) came over for diner and gave us some amazing support. All the little things that kept Darcey and me worried and unsure of, they could relate to and had been through it. We were able to get advice that wasn't coming out of a text book. They had just been through all the things we were going through. That night was the first good sleep Darcey or I got since Zao was born.
We only lived in our trailer another 2 weeks. In an amazing answer to our prayers, a rental opened up. Behind our friends home in Ojai is a small cottage they built with everything we need. They offered to rent it to us for way below what they could be getting for it. $800 a month covers everything, power, trash, water, internet, and satellite TV.. Darcey and I were finally able to get the two things we said we would buy for ourselves once we moved out of the trailer, a king size bed and a king size TV. We moved in our changing table and as of right now, we have painted the bathroom and hallway. I've started to mask off the living room to paint before our custom rocking chair arrives and then we can move the crib from Darcey's parent's house. I don't have to drive as far to get to work and we're still close to everyone in Ojai. I can't believe how things fall into place for us. We are blessed beyond my understanding.