I'm finding that I need outlets. As much fun as it is to write lyrics for a metal band, it is still very limiting. (By the way, I'm in a band . . . kind of.) I though I'd give this a try because I wanted something a little more personal than some sort of MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc. but not as private as a journal. And that's the reason for me to have a blog.
I didn't have a blog on April 2nd 2009 but I wish I had. It was a Thursday and I was at work in Ventura at the plumbing and appliance dealer I work for. I work long hours and it was getting close to the end of the day. So I was surprised to look up from my computer to see my wife, Darcey, walking towards me with a big smile on her face. Next I saw my dog, Tank, run around the corner of my desk with his blue and red sweater on. They were excited to see me and it was a nice surprise to see them. I didn't know why they had come to see me though until Tank jumped in my lap. Attached with a bobby-pin to his shirt was a small piece of paper that said, "I'm going to be a big brother". I looked at Darcey with a lot of confusion and asked her, "Is this another joke or are we going to have a baby?".
The night before Darcey decided at 11:59pm that I wasn't getting past April Fools Day without being the victim of a prank. We were lying in bed and I was almost asleep. Darcey said my name to see if I'm still awake. After I respond, she follows up with, "I'm pregnant." After jumping up in a fury of thoughts that cross my mind I'm left with wondering why she waited until I was almost asleep to tell me something so important. Just as I'm convincing myself it's not a big deal she yells, "APRIL FOOLS!"
Now you know what my first thoughts are the next afternoon when my wife tells me the same thing. Darcey nods her head at me with a big grin. I asked if she knew last night, but she had only found out before driving down to see me. Last night was just a joke. The irony is that she was pregnant. I guess the joke's on both of us. We grabbed Tank and walked out to the car in the parking lot. For a long time, Darcey and I just sat in the car laughing, then crying, the laughing some more. I couldn't get a grip on what was happening. I was so happy that I couldn't stop myself from smiling. At the same time, I was terrified.
In the last three weeks I've managed to get a grip a little bit. It's still a constant state of floating that I have to snap myself out of. Hearing my babies heartbeat for the first time last week put me in a wonderful place. I can't wait for tomorrow. I can't wait to see my baby. I can't wait to see my baby see me. I can't wait to tell Darcey again how happy I am. This is gonna be fun. I hope I'm the dad I want to be.
