Back to the Future

I decided today that not remembering my password for this blog wasn't enought to keep me away anymore. I feel bad. It has, after all, been 1 year, 7 months, and 18 days.

So let me bring who ever might read this up to speed. I still live in Ojai with my beautiful wife, Darcey and daughter, Zao and our dog, Tank. Zao is 2 going on 16. I still work selling plumbing fixtures and appliance.

A lot has happend since I last posted anything up here. There have been huge trials and challenges. There have also been amazing victories and things to celebrate. In the last year, we've really made a point as a family to focus more on God. This has had suprising effects on every part of our lives. Beleive me, we are still very, very, very far from perfect, but we're becoming closer to the One who is perfect.

The funny thing is that I first started this blog as a way to keep track of our journey through life together. With the family growing, this was suppose to be a great way to record, comment, share, vent, and remember the "every day" and the "this and that" moments in life. Zao came to us and blew the roof off the place. Darcey and I have had it better than we ever thought was possible. And (I'm not joking or exagerating in any way) it gets better every day.

So I'm ramping up again. This time with a new little one. We're pregnant with number 2. The baby is due August 15th, 2012. I think that puts us a little over 4 months along. This pregnancy has been a little different from the first one. There's a lot less fear. There are a few more expectations. The excitement is the same, uncontainable. I wanted a girl the first time and I got her. And now I'd like a boy but it goes without saying that there wont be a shred of disapointment either way. The running joke is that if we did so amazing with our first kid, just imagine how good we'll do on the second try.

I think the plan is to have a water birth. I know the beds at the hospital were pretty hard on Darcey's back. I hope sitting in some warm water will help her muscles relax and give her a less stressful enviroment when it comes time to deliver the baby.

This baby couldn't have come at a better time for me personally. For some reason that I dont understand, I went through a few months of doubt. It just hit me one night and wouldn't go away. It was like a bird on my shoulder. I would try to ignore it but it would skwak and skwak and eventually take a poop on me, leaving me not feeling very good about myself. The doubt was against my faith. It was against my motives and even my very heart. A lesson I've learned from this is God loves to take advantage of a great opportunity. He loves to fix broken, repentive hearts. I can honestly say that I asked for Him to show himself to me without any specifics. He did that in a lot of small ways. He also did it in one big way. A few days after this prayer Darcey told me she was pregnant. And he didn't stop there. Growing close to God has helped me grow closer to Darcey. He's provided for us and allowed me to be stronger to resist things that used to control me. I can say from experiance, God is Good.

Flash Forward

Hello Blog,

I knew my time was going to squeezed a little tight once the baby arrived. I didn't know it would cease to exists. Let's see . . .

Darcey and I waited patiently for the two weeks following our December 1st due date. Our doctor gave us as long as he could before coming in to the hospital to be induced for labor. By Sunday the 13th, Darcey and I were packed up and heading down to Ventura with no sign of our daughter planning on making an appearance. We checked in for our 8 PM appointment, got comfortable in our room and tried to get some sleep after the nurse gave my wife the medicine to induce her. I slept on a chair that smelled like it had been outside for a good part of its existence. The next morning, Darcey hadn't moved forward too much. By noon Dr. Cole decided to break her water. The next seven and a half hours went both very quickly and very slowly. It was a feeling of helplessness and excitement, fear and pride. I have a hard time remembering a lot of what happened. It makes me sad to know that one of the greatest moments in my life is mostly a blurry image. I do remember the important things though. I remember Darcey's strength. I remember the nurses giving us more than what is in their job description. I remember seeing a face that looked just like my wife take it's first breath. I remember cutting the cord. The first thing Darcey could say was, "she's so cute" before starting to cry.

Her name is Zao Adora Bechtel. She was 8 pounds, 11 ounces. Zao was born at 7:30 PM on December 14th, 2009.



An important part of welcoming Zao into the world was spending the first hour and a half alone with her. Just Darcey, myself, and Zao. She latched on to feed immediately. Most of our friends who came to the hospital to see her at that point were being kicked out but my dad and his wife, Sandy, Cory and my mom were able to stay long enough to see and hold her.

The next four days were the hardest I've ever had. They were even worse for Darcey. Although Zao was a very healthy baby, she had a reflux that would cause her to throw up or choke very easily. Darcey was awake for the entire four day stretch. The staff was great and we were constantly being visited from our friends and family. However, the hospital heating and cooling system was broken. It would be freezing one minute and an inferno another. Plus, there was something wrong with the air. By the final day it hurt to take deep breaths and we both felt ill with head aches and nausea. Once we left the hospital we immediately started to feel better. The sleeping situation didn't improve much at home for the first 2-3 weeks. It wasn't until our good friend Amy and Todd (who had their first baby only 11 months earlier) came over for diner and gave us some amazing support. All the little things that kept Darcey and me worried and unsure of, they could relate to and had been through it. We were able to get advice that wasn't coming out of a text book. They had just been through all the things we were going through. That night was the first good sleep Darcey or I got since Zao was born.

We only lived in our trailer another 2 weeks. In an amazing answer to our prayers, a rental opened up. Behind our friends home in Ojai is a small cottage they built with everything we need. They offered to rent it to us for way below what they could be getting for it. $800 a month covers everything, power, trash, water, internet, and satellite TV.. Darcey and I were finally able to get the two things we said we would buy for ourselves once we moved out of the trailer, a king size bed and a king size TV. We moved in our changing table and as of right now, we have painted the bathroom and hallway. I've started to mask off the living room to paint before our custom rocking chair arrives and then we can move the crib from Darcey's parent's house. I don't have to drive as far to get to work and we're still close to everyone in Ojai. I can't believe how things fall into place for us. We are blessed beyond my understanding.

The Beginning of Everything

It's 1:39 am and I cant sleep.

I've found a new way to look at life recently. It wasn't on purpose. It only happened because mine was changed so drastically. After waiting and waiting to see what kind of cloths and decorations we would be buying for our first baby, and after wanting to know so badly what we're going to have so we can think of names, I'm finding myself in a place where I don't care about those things for the same reasons I did before.

I, Evan Scott Bechtel, am having a little baby girl.

It's hard to put into words the way I feel. All I can think over and over is, "My heart is full, my heart is full, my heart is full . . . " I have a wife that no man on this planet deserves. In a the dumb luck or chance or acts of God that inspire and control the things that happen in this life, she is the single greatest gift I have ever received. And now there is going to be a little person . . . a little girl that moves, talks, thinks, and all sorts of other things we do just like her mother and I do. I've told Darcey many times but I don't think she really understands what I mean when I say that seeing her pregnant is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I can only be honest and admit I get emotional just thinking about it. It is the perfect design created by God for us to forge our lives as one into something we could never create on our own.

Why do I receive so much when I have nothing to give to You?!

When have I ever proven myself to You?

How can I preserve and protect what You've given me?

How can I let You teach her love and show her Your heart?

What good am I, unless I have You?

Where will I have find the strength to give her back to You?

You are glory, You are strength, You are love,

You are giving, Your are trusting, You are wise,

You are everything, I am nothing,

But You love me, and I love You

Baby Update: 14 weeks

Darcey and I headed down to the doctors office yesterday for the second appointment in our baby adventure. Other than having to sit in the hallway because it was so packed in the office the appointment went pretty good. Now that I mention it. I forgot to ask the doctor something while we were there . . . and now I can't remember what it is again. Dang!

What I do remember is that we heard the heartbeat again. I could listen to that all day. The doctor mentioned that the beat was a little below the normal. It was nothing to worry about at all but it usually means it's a boy. I tell myself not to get my hopes up as if I'd be disappointed with a girl. A girl is really what I hoping for. Don't ask me why. I wish I knew.

Baby?

I'm finding that I need outlets. As much fun as it is to write lyrics for a metal band, it is still very limiting. (By the way, I'm in a band . . . kind of.) I though I'd give this a try because I wanted something a little more personal than some sort of MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc. but not as private as a journal. And that's the reason for me to have a blog.

I didn't have a blog on April 2nd 2009 but I wish I had. It was a Thursday and I was at work in Ventura at the plumbing and appliance dealer I work for. I work long hours and it was getting close to the end of the day. So I was surprised to look up from my computer to see my wife, Darcey, walking towards me with a big smile on her face. Next I saw my dog, Tank, run around the corner of my desk with his blue and red sweater on. They were excited to see me and it was a nice surprise to see them. I didn't know why they had come to see me though until Tank jumped in my lap. Attached with a bobby-pin to his shirt was a small piece of paper that said, "I'm going to be a big brother". I looked at Darcey with a lot of confusion and asked her, "Is this another joke or are we going to have a baby?".

The night before Darcey decided at 11:59pm that I wasn't getting past April Fools Day without being the victim of a prank. We were lying in bed and I was almost asleep. Darcey said my name to see if I'm still awake. After I respond, she follows up with, "I'm pregnant." After jumping up in a fury of thoughts that cross my mind I'm left with wondering why she waited until I was almost asleep to tell me something so important. Just as I'm convincing myself it's not a big deal she yells, "APRIL FOOLS!"

Now you know what my first thoughts are the next afternoon when my wife tells me the same thing. Darcey nods her head at me with a big grin. I asked if she knew last night, but she had only found out before driving down to see me. Last night was just a joke. The irony is that she was pregnant. I guess the joke's on both of us. We grabbed Tank and walked out to the car in the parking lot. For a long time, Darcey and I just sat in the car laughing, then crying, the laughing some more. I couldn't get a grip on what was happening. I was so happy that I couldn't stop myself from smiling. At the same time, I was terrified.

In the last three weeks I've managed to get a grip a little bit. It's still a constant state of floating that I have to snap myself out of. Hearing my babies heartbeat for the first time last week put me in a wonderful place. I can't wait for tomorrow. I can't wait to see my baby. I can't wait to see my baby see me. I can't wait to tell Darcey again how happy I am. This is gonna be fun. I hope I'm the dad I want to be.