Back to the Future

I decided today that not remembering my password for this blog wasn't enought to keep me away anymore. I feel bad. It has, after all, been 1 year, 7 months, and 18 days.

So let me bring who ever might read this up to speed. I still live in Ojai with my beautiful wife, Darcey and daughter, Zao and our dog, Tank. Zao is 2 going on 16. I still work selling plumbing fixtures and appliance.

A lot has happend since I last posted anything up here. There have been huge trials and challenges. There have also been amazing victories and things to celebrate. In the last year, we've really made a point as a family to focus more on God. This has had suprising effects on every part of our lives. Beleive me, we are still very, very, very far from perfect, but we're becoming closer to the One who is perfect.

The funny thing is that I first started this blog as a way to keep track of our journey through life together. With the family growing, this was suppose to be a great way to record, comment, share, vent, and remember the "every day" and the "this and that" moments in life. Zao came to us and blew the roof off the place. Darcey and I have had it better than we ever thought was possible. And (I'm not joking or exagerating in any way) it gets better every day.

So I'm ramping up again. This time with a new little one. We're pregnant with number 2. The baby is due August 15th, 2012. I think that puts us a little over 4 months along. This pregnancy has been a little different from the first one. There's a lot less fear. There are a few more expectations. The excitement is the same, uncontainable. I wanted a girl the first time and I got her. And now I'd like a boy but it goes without saying that there wont be a shred of disapointment either way. The running joke is that if we did so amazing with our first kid, just imagine how good we'll do on the second try.

I think the plan is to have a water birth. I know the beds at the hospital were pretty hard on Darcey's back. I hope sitting in some warm water will help her muscles relax and give her a less stressful enviroment when it comes time to deliver the baby.

This baby couldn't have come at a better time for me personally. For some reason that I dont understand, I went through a few months of doubt. It just hit me one night and wouldn't go away. It was like a bird on my shoulder. I would try to ignore it but it would skwak and skwak and eventually take a poop on me, leaving me not feeling very good about myself. The doubt was against my faith. It was against my motives and even my very heart. A lesson I've learned from this is God loves to take advantage of a great opportunity. He loves to fix broken, repentive hearts. I can honestly say that I asked for Him to show himself to me without any specifics. He did that in a lot of small ways. He also did it in one big way. A few days after this prayer Darcey told me she was pregnant. And he didn't stop there. Growing close to God has helped me grow closer to Darcey. He's provided for us and allowed me to be stronger to resist things that used to control me. I can say from experiance, God is Good.

Looking back

I stumbled across something very special this morning. It was a post I made on an old networking site about the day I asked Darcey to marry me. This was before MySpace and Facebook. It's amazing to look back and remember what I was feeling when I popped the big question. Enjoy:

May 25th, 2004

Friday was unreal. After Darcey and I woke up we spent some time watching tv and all that jazz. It took a while to get going because I was taking such a long time to get ready. When I finally made myself look presentable we drove down to Tom's Farms where we enjoyed some peaceful music from across a small man-made pond. I inhaled my burger then fought off a squirrel that tried climbing up my pants. We left from there and made our way down the 15 to the Santa Rosa Plateau. It's a reserve where trails and paths have been cleared for the public to enjoy. I had made plans to make the moment happen there. I found a nice spot and thought to myself,"this is the perfect place." but just as quickly I remembered that I had left a very important item in my shirt pocket. That is, the shirt I had thrown in the back of my car because of how hot it was when we arrived. "dogh!"
Never the less, the hike was amazing. Soon after that we made our way down to down town San Diego. Our first stop once in town was to pick up some Dippin' Dots which McDonald's carries only in their San Diego locations. Why that is, I don't know but it should change.
We did some window shopping in the downtown area mall and Darcey enjoyed a back massage from a coin-operated chair but I felt a little taking advantage of. Our stomachs were growling so we made our way over to the hard rock cafe and gazed at all the fun collectibles hung on the walls. I sat next to a 1970 front row Led Zeppelin ticket stub, which was probably the most worthless thing in there but I thought it was one of the best.
The sun moved its way over the horizon and we made one more stop at the Seaport Village. Just past some small shops there is a park with a view of the air craft carriers and the Coronado Bridge and island. The clouds were a deep orange and the lights of the bridge and a few small boats passing by had just come on. I held Darcey at the end of the park as we stared across the bay. I was struggling to keep my hands from shaking. I told Darcey how much I loved her and how blessed I was to have her. I said I couldn't wait to have her for my wife and grow closer with her. I wanted to see her be the mother of my children and grow old with me. God had put an amazing life in front of me and I only wanted to share it with her. I couldn't see her expression but could tell she was starting to tear up. Then I leaned over her shoulder and whispered in her ear "will you be my wife, will you marry me?" She began to cry; from joy as I could tell. As her eyes were closed and she held on my arms I brought the ring out of my pocket and pushed it on her finger. Amazingly it fit almost just right. she turned towards me and just nodded slightly. I asked her again simply because I wanted to hear her say the word. She managed to squeak out the word, "yes" and we both enjoyed a very nice kiss. Being caught up in the moment and all, Darcey almost forgot to notice what was on her left hand. I hadn't imagined that I would have to remind her to look.
On the way home we had to stop and enjoy our traditional Slurpee's. They tasted better that usual. I know its just because I couldn't stop thinking of Darcey sharing my last name.

More awesome posts like this at xpistfistx.livejournal.com/

Operation: Put Down The Fork

It's about that time when I admit that my outfit choices are getting slimmer in the morning because I am not. In fact, it's the opposite. Now even my "lose fit" clothing is starting to squeeze me in a little tighter than I'd like.

I've decided that it's much cheaper to eat healthier, eat less, exercises more, and lose weight than to replace my entire wardrobe for the next size up. It should be more gratifying as well. At 5'9" I am currently 200 pounds. (ouch) I don't do anything physical other than playing with my dog for 5 minutes when I come home from work. Other than that I just sit in my car on the way to work, sit at my desk for 10 hours, sit in my car again on the way home and then sit on the couch until it's time for bed. All of that put together with the epic amount of food I eat puts me not only in a place that most doctors will tell me isn't very healthy, but also takes a very big toll on my self esteem when it comes to beach or pool side situations.

So I'll start slow. I've bought some fruit and other health food at the market and keep it in the fridge at work instead of going Subway, In-N-Out, or Chipotle like I usually do. I'll take Darcey and Tank out for walks when I get home. Eventually, I'll be able to jog the neighborhood instead of walk. As time goes by, hopefully I'll be able to run a little further and further. Add some push-ups here, a few sit-ups there and then "WHALAA!" I'm back to the 175 lbs I was when I got married and hopefully I can stay there. Some would put it, "And he lived happily ever after . . ."

Baby?

I'm finding that I need outlets. As much fun as it is to write lyrics for a metal band, it is still very limiting. (By the way, I'm in a band . . . kind of.) I though I'd give this a try because I wanted something a little more personal than some sort of MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc. but not as private as a journal. And that's the reason for me to have a blog.

I didn't have a blog on April 2nd 2009 but I wish I had. It was a Thursday and I was at work in Ventura at the plumbing and appliance dealer I work for. I work long hours and it was getting close to the end of the day. So I was surprised to look up from my computer to see my wife, Darcey, walking towards me with a big smile on her face. Next I saw my dog, Tank, run around the corner of my desk with his blue and red sweater on. They were excited to see me and it was a nice surprise to see them. I didn't know why they had come to see me though until Tank jumped in my lap. Attached with a bobby-pin to his shirt was a small piece of paper that said, "I'm going to be a big brother". I looked at Darcey with a lot of confusion and asked her, "Is this another joke or are we going to have a baby?".

The night before Darcey decided at 11:59pm that I wasn't getting past April Fools Day without being the victim of a prank. We were lying in bed and I was almost asleep. Darcey said my name to see if I'm still awake. After I respond, she follows up with, "I'm pregnant." After jumping up in a fury of thoughts that cross my mind I'm left with wondering why she waited until I was almost asleep to tell me something so important. Just as I'm convincing myself it's not a big deal she yells, "APRIL FOOLS!"

Now you know what my first thoughts are the next afternoon when my wife tells me the same thing. Darcey nods her head at me with a big grin. I asked if she knew last night, but she had only found out before driving down to see me. Last night was just a joke. The irony is that she was pregnant. I guess the joke's on both of us. We grabbed Tank and walked out to the car in the parking lot. For a long time, Darcey and I just sat in the car laughing, then crying, the laughing some more. I couldn't get a grip on what was happening. I was so happy that I couldn't stop myself from smiling. At the same time, I was terrified.

In the last three weeks I've managed to get a grip a little bit. It's still a constant state of floating that I have to snap myself out of. Hearing my babies heartbeat for the first time last week put me in a wonderful place. I can't wait for tomorrow. I can't wait to see my baby. I can't wait to see my baby see me. I can't wait to tell Darcey again how happy I am. This is gonna be fun. I hope I'm the dad I want to be.