Flash Forward

Hello Blog,

I knew my time was going to squeezed a little tight once the baby arrived. I didn't know it would cease to exists. Let's see . . .

Darcey and I waited patiently for the two weeks following our December 1st due date. Our doctor gave us as long as he could before coming in to the hospital to be induced for labor. By Sunday the 13th, Darcey and I were packed up and heading down to Ventura with no sign of our daughter planning on making an appearance. We checked in for our 8 PM appointment, got comfortable in our room and tried to get some sleep after the nurse gave my wife the medicine to induce her. I slept on a chair that smelled like it had been outside for a good part of its existence. The next morning, Darcey hadn't moved forward too much. By noon Dr. Cole decided to break her water. The next seven and a half hours went both very quickly and very slowly. It was a feeling of helplessness and excitement, fear and pride. I have a hard time remembering a lot of what happened. It makes me sad to know that one of the greatest moments in my life is mostly a blurry image. I do remember the important things though. I remember Darcey's strength. I remember the nurses giving us more than what is in their job description. I remember seeing a face that looked just like my wife take it's first breath. I remember cutting the cord. The first thing Darcey could say was, "she's so cute" before starting to cry.

Her name is Zao Adora Bechtel. She was 8 pounds, 11 ounces. Zao was born at 7:30 PM on December 14th, 2009.



An important part of welcoming Zao into the world was spending the first hour and a half alone with her. Just Darcey, myself, and Zao. She latched on to feed immediately. Most of our friends who came to the hospital to see her at that point were being kicked out but my dad and his wife, Sandy, Cory and my mom were able to stay long enough to see and hold her.

The next four days were the hardest I've ever had. They were even worse for Darcey. Although Zao was a very healthy baby, she had a reflux that would cause her to throw up or choke very easily. Darcey was awake for the entire four day stretch. The staff was great and we were constantly being visited from our friends and family. However, the hospital heating and cooling system was broken. It would be freezing one minute and an inferno another. Plus, there was something wrong with the air. By the final day it hurt to take deep breaths and we both felt ill with head aches and nausea. Once we left the hospital we immediately started to feel better. The sleeping situation didn't improve much at home for the first 2-3 weeks. It wasn't until our good friend Amy and Todd (who had their first baby only 11 months earlier) came over for diner and gave us some amazing support. All the little things that kept Darcey and me worried and unsure of, they could relate to and had been through it. We were able to get advice that wasn't coming out of a text book. They had just been through all the things we were going through. That night was the first good sleep Darcey or I got since Zao was born.

We only lived in our trailer another 2 weeks. In an amazing answer to our prayers, a rental opened up. Behind our friends home in Ojai is a small cottage they built with everything we need. They offered to rent it to us for way below what they could be getting for it. $800 a month covers everything, power, trash, water, internet, and satellite TV.. Darcey and I were finally able to get the two things we said we would buy for ourselves once we moved out of the trailer, a king size bed and a king size TV. We moved in our changing table and as of right now, we have painted the bathroom and hallway. I've started to mask off the living room to paint before our custom rocking chair arrives and then we can move the crib from Darcey's parent's house. I don't have to drive as far to get to work and we're still close to everyone in Ojai. I can't believe how things fall into place for us. We are blessed beyond my understanding.

Demotivated

I don't know why, but I love demotivational posters. Made popular by Despair Inc., there's a great DIY section on the web site that lets the user make his or her own posters. Here's some of my favorites:

Looking back

I stumbled across something very special this morning. It was a post I made on an old networking site about the day I asked Darcey to marry me. This was before MySpace and Facebook. It's amazing to look back and remember what I was feeling when I popped the big question. Enjoy:

May 25th, 2004

Friday was unreal. After Darcey and I woke up we spent some time watching tv and all that jazz. It took a while to get going because I was taking such a long time to get ready. When I finally made myself look presentable we drove down to Tom's Farms where we enjoyed some peaceful music from across a small man-made pond. I inhaled my burger then fought off a squirrel that tried climbing up my pants. We left from there and made our way down the 15 to the Santa Rosa Plateau. It's a reserve where trails and paths have been cleared for the public to enjoy. I had made plans to make the moment happen there. I found a nice spot and thought to myself,"this is the perfect place." but just as quickly I remembered that I had left a very important item in my shirt pocket. That is, the shirt I had thrown in the back of my car because of how hot it was when we arrived. "dogh!"
Never the less, the hike was amazing. Soon after that we made our way down to down town San Diego. Our first stop once in town was to pick up some Dippin' Dots which McDonald's carries only in their San Diego locations. Why that is, I don't know but it should change.
We did some window shopping in the downtown area mall and Darcey enjoyed a back massage from a coin-operated chair but I felt a little taking advantage of. Our stomachs were growling so we made our way over to the hard rock cafe and gazed at all the fun collectibles hung on the walls. I sat next to a 1970 front row Led Zeppelin ticket stub, which was probably the most worthless thing in there but I thought it was one of the best.
The sun moved its way over the horizon and we made one more stop at the Seaport Village. Just past some small shops there is a park with a view of the air craft carriers and the Coronado Bridge and island. The clouds were a deep orange and the lights of the bridge and a few small boats passing by had just come on. I held Darcey at the end of the park as we stared across the bay. I was struggling to keep my hands from shaking. I told Darcey how much I loved her and how blessed I was to have her. I said I couldn't wait to have her for my wife and grow closer with her. I wanted to see her be the mother of my children and grow old with me. God had put an amazing life in front of me and I only wanted to share it with her. I couldn't see her expression but could tell she was starting to tear up. Then I leaned over her shoulder and whispered in her ear "will you be my wife, will you marry me?" She began to cry; from joy as I could tell. As her eyes were closed and she held on my arms I brought the ring out of my pocket and pushed it on her finger. Amazingly it fit almost just right. she turned towards me and just nodded slightly. I asked her again simply because I wanted to hear her say the word. She managed to squeak out the word, "yes" and we both enjoyed a very nice kiss. Being caught up in the moment and all, Darcey almost forgot to notice what was on her left hand. I hadn't imagined that I would have to remind her to look.
On the way home we had to stop and enjoy our traditional Slurpee's. They tasted better that usual. I know its just because I couldn't stop thinking of Darcey sharing my last name.

More awesome posts like this at xpistfistx.livejournal.com/

Paradise Lost

About a year ago I wrote lyrics for 10 songs that were put together by my very talented friend, Mr. Mike Risinger. We planned on the songs being released online with little (if any) support from live shows. It was a fun project that we could work on from a long distance sending songs back and forth; adding things here and there. I ended up recording four songs but then other parts of our lives took priority over our music. I still think about the songs all the time and still come up with new ideas every once in a while. It will still happen someday but I think Mike and I agree that the timing has to be right.

My favorite song painted a very strong picture about an idea of how the final purging of evil would happen at the end of this world from the point of view of a solider in the army of God's Kingdom. I remember "Braveheart" battle scenes kept coming to mind while I wrote this:

The cold of the night,
A shiver down my spine,
Foreshadow the battle unfolding,
My armor testifies,
Of battles come and gone,
My blade bears the marks of the Holy.

This battle has been won,
Before it ever had begun,
We bring purging fire from the Son,
The evil of the world is undone,

A legion approaches,
Marching to their demise,
The might of His throne is behind me.
As God became a man,
And stakes put through his hands,
You shall know pain though retribution,

This battle has been won,
Before it ever had begun,
We bring purging fire from the Son,
The evil of the world is undone,

In his own heart,
He grew selfish,
The desire to be God,
Now paradise is lost

With power of the sword,
We trample through the horde,
My sight's fixed on the prince of darkness,
Descending from the throne,
Comes the Faithful and True,
He will rule with an iron scepter,
His duty justified,
From the beginning of time,
He drives his blade through the deceiver,
In one final blow,
He casts them to shadow,
Victory belongs to the Maker,

This battle has been won

You Can't Kill The Metal

I think everyone has something that they're passionate about. Everyone has something that they can enjoy for themselves. Not because it's what all the people around them like or do. Not because it's the next popular thing and not because it's what everyone expects him or her to do. It's a self-rewarding interest. I think everyone knows at least one Star Wars freak (even if they don't know it). They'll tell you they can't hang out because they have to be at work early in the morning for a meeting but really they're sitting in a lounge chair in a full storm trooper costume waiting in line for the opening of the newest movie to show at midnight.

And just the same, I think everyone knows a metal head. Lurking in almost every society is a community that doesn't need to draw a lot of attention to itself. I think that's mainly because people that play and listen to metal, hardcore, and all the variations don't do it for the same reasons as other genres of music. Of course, there's always exceptions but I'm speaking generally.

There are a few reasons, specifically for me, that the metal scene is so close to my heart. The first is that people that play metal, for the most part, don't do it to be famous. They don't do it to get big houses and cars, tons of money, and a sneaker with their name on it. They do it because they love it. Almost all of the most passionate musicians I have seen play some form of metal. I also believe they're some of the most disciplined as well. Example: Chris Adler (drummer for the band Lamb of God) spends 2-3 hours warming up for a 1 hour show. When a fan told the band's lead vocalist, "you're drummer is awesome" he responded, "you'd be awesome too if you practiced 30 hours a day like he does."

All in all, since heavy metal emerged in the 70's there are now about 20 or more variations of this music. If you ever get sick of your Lil' Wayne, Justin Timberlake, and Good Charlotte CDs, throw in some Unearth or Darkest Hour for a few minutes to wake your ears up. Put on a Zao or Meshuggah album to send the boogie man running. Or crank up some Iron Maiden, Metallica, and Black Sabbath to find the music that got it all started. There's always something refreshing to me about hearing music that was written by a person who never plans on moving out of mom and dad's house as long as he or she can rock out.

Now That I'm A Grown Up

Now that I'm a grown up, I do grown up things. You know?

I'm not a little boy or a kid. I'm not a teenager anymore. I do stuff like celebrate wedding anniversaries and have babies. I go to work five days a week and pay bills. I drive my car, buy my cloths, watch the news, feed my dog, etc. I guess the last item on the list I need is a house to complete my all-American life style. I need a place to walk into after work and say, "Honey, I'm home!"

Darcey is due to have our baby in less than 11 weeks. Watching the baby mosh in her stomach tells me that the little one may want to make an early arrival. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Bringing a baby home to live in a camper can really take your confidence as a provider and as a father down a few pegs. The kind words of encouragement help but this idea of living lurks over my head like a little cloud that's getting darker by the minute. For someone who's so grown up, I feel like I might have made some kind of adolescent mistake along the way to end up in this predicament.

Don't get me wrong. Amidst all the chaos of finding a permanent place to live there is a very big smile on my face. I wouldn't want this to go away for anything. I can't wait for my little girl to get here. I know I said this should go slow so I can reflect and enjoy the time that Darcey is pregnant. . . "Okay, enough of that. Let's get that baby out!" is all I can think. And the truth of it, when it all comes down to it, is that I would live in a camper for the rest of my life with the family I have.

Operation: Put Down The Fork

It's about that time when I admit that my outfit choices are getting slimmer in the morning because I am not. In fact, it's the opposite. Now even my "lose fit" clothing is starting to squeeze me in a little tighter than I'd like.

I've decided that it's much cheaper to eat healthier, eat less, exercises more, and lose weight than to replace my entire wardrobe for the next size up. It should be more gratifying as well. At 5'9" I am currently 200 pounds. (ouch) I don't do anything physical other than playing with my dog for 5 minutes when I come home from work. Other than that I just sit in my car on the way to work, sit at my desk for 10 hours, sit in my car again on the way home and then sit on the couch until it's time for bed. All of that put together with the epic amount of food I eat puts me not only in a place that most doctors will tell me isn't very healthy, but also takes a very big toll on my self esteem when it comes to beach or pool side situations.

So I'll start slow. I've bought some fruit and other health food at the market and keep it in the fridge at work instead of going Subway, In-N-Out, or Chipotle like I usually do. I'll take Darcey and Tank out for walks when I get home. Eventually, I'll be able to jog the neighborhood instead of walk. As time goes by, hopefully I'll be able to run a little further and further. Add some push-ups here, a few sit-ups there and then "WHALAA!" I'm back to the 175 lbs I was when I got married and hopefully I can stay there. Some would put it, "And he lived happily ever after . . ."